The A. Story

09Mar07

The sound of silence was all around him on that snowy mountain that he climbed. The birds had stopped singing already a long time ago and the little river next to him had frozen over. The silence with which the sun had gone, had been overwhelming and the soft and gentle appearance of the moon and the stars had made him realise he was on the mountain already for a long time. He left home that morning, not knowing where he was heading for but he knew that he had to leave today. Somewhere a voice deep within guided him up the mountain to that exact spot where he was sitting now. It must had been somewhere around 1 o’clock when he arrived there. Not that time was important today. Today nothing was important except for that deep inner voice that kept on yelling his name, that was fighting to get out. He immediately felt calm and relaxed when he arrived at that with a beautiful view. It felt like finally coming home. He had his home somewhere in the city that he had abandoned but this was more. Immediately his mind was focused on all the small things and during the day he had enjoyed the birds flying over, the little cracking of the trees, tortured by the weight of the snow on their branches. Everything was perfect or rather, everything had that unperfected beauty that you can only find in things that live or have been lived. He always enjoyed more the old faces, sculptured by hard work but with a joy for live. Faces that told a story all b themselves. And this place was a place like that. The trees had some crazy bends in them, the little river was rough and gentle at the same time, the view nice but not the kind of nice they use in a Hollywood movie.
And now the darkness and the silence of the night had come. His eyes had adjusted to the darkening of the world and his mind was sharper then ever before. He didn’t know if it was because of the full moon and the stars, or because the peace and quietness he had enjoyed during the day after a long period of stress but for the first time since long he was able to think clear. He finally was able to plan things, make some milestones he wanted to achieve in his life. Not that those things suddenly popped up in his mind. They were there already for a long time but finally he had the courage to get things done. It was the first time since he graduated that he was able to think in long term planning. Not that he had done a lot of planning during his study. At that moment he only had one big milestone he wanted to reach: to graduate, although in the beginning nobody believed he would succeed but he made it and since then he had learn his own strength when he really wanted something. On the other hand, that was the problem he had been fighting already for a long time: he couldn’t decide what he really wanted. Professionally he wanted to be a Super DaVinci. An inventor, artist, writer, musician, actor, sportsman, perfect lover,… everything and not just good at it but perfect. In his own mind everything always had to be perfect but –and he was happy about that- in his actions nothing was perfect. He always had something to improve and it didn’t bother him. Or at least not all the time. During a long period that strength of relativation of his own existence had disappeared but now it was back, even stronger then before. It had releaved him from the negative stress that had surrounded him for way too long. A stress that found its origin in the past and was a product of a broken heart. Now with the healing of his heart it had returned. It was time to show the world who he really was. Time to finish all his project and move on. His timeframe was six months. From the beginning of september the world would know him. Or at least his world would know about him because at the end of it was not important that he was famous, or earned a lot of money. Those where things that could be achieved without too much problem but the sacrifice for that was too much. He just wanted to be happy with all the things he had done in his life and she made him realise there was some work to do.
He only knew her for a couple of days but she had made such a deep impression on him that it made him start things over again. Everything he thought he was sure, she turned upside down and it made him happy. She was a girl with the rare gift of being both naïve and full of wisdom at the same time. Probably she would hate him for expressing it like that but that’s how he felt. He felt that she had lived a million lives already but also had the freshness and wondering of a new born baby. He missed her here on the mountain but soon they would be reunited again. For the first time in his live, he knew what he wanted and he knew he was willing to give up everything he knew; everything he had build up over the last 28 years. Not that it was that difficult, he had always been some kind of loner. Friends everywhere but he didn’t need to meet them all the time. When he met with them he enjoyed but he was perfectly capable of spending the night on his own or with perfect strangers. Until last weekend. Things had changed. The only thing he wanted now was to enjoy her presence, her skin next to his, her gentle steps through the room or her snoring next to him while she was asleep. All the little things that are not spectacular at all but made his heart beat faster then a rush down a mountain, a basejump or whatever extreme sport people where still going to invent.

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